A Path Paved by Tradition: My Reflections on Arranged Marriage

A Path Paved by Tradition: My Reflections on Arranged Marriage

Title: A Path Paved by Tradition: My Reflections on Arranged Marriage

In recent months, the topic of arranged marriage has come up often in my life. It started with a comment from my mom, then from my dad. Soon, it became a frequent topic in discussions with my cousin, who, like me, is also single. Growing up, I always imagined finding love on my own terms, but the more I listen to my family’s perspective—and see examples around me—the more I’ve begun to wonder if arranged marriage is, perhaps, a path worth considering.

My cousin has become quite enthusiastic about the concept. For him, arranged marriages offer stability that modern dating sometimes lacks. He’s pointed out that couples in arranged marriages seem to hold an extra layer of respect for each other, as if they’re aware that more is at stake. There’s a collective investment in making it work, with families on both sides supporting the relationship and its foundation. It’s like the couple enters a partnership backed by people who believe in their potential to succeed.

One of the things I appreciate most about arranged marriages is the access to quality advice. Relationships are rarely simple, and in an arranged marriage, you’ve got a built-in network of people ready to lend their wisdom. Yes, marital advice can sometimes feel complex or even intrusive, but when it comes from those who’ve experienced it firsthand, it can carry a kind of authenticity that’s hard to find elsewhere. It’s reassuring to know that, when challenges arise, an arranged couple often has more than just each other; they have a community of people committed to helping them stay strong.

Another point my cousin raised was research by a colleague of his at Syracuse University. This study highlighted a high success rate in arranged marriages, even today. My cousin’s colleague found that arranged marriages, often starting with pragmatic compatibility, can lead to a strong, enduring connection over time. While arranged marriages aren’t without challenges, the data suggests they tend to fare well—perhaps because they begin with the realistic expectations set by families who understand the importance of a stable foundation.

Reflecting on my own cultural roots, I realize that arranged marriage has been the traditional way of the Yoruba people for generations. In many ways, it was more than just finding a spouse; it was about strengthening family ties, honoring lineage, and creating a supportive environment for future generations. In traditional Yoruba society, arranged marriages involved both families playing a central role, ensuring that the match was a good fit socially, culturally, and even spiritually. This approach fostered a sense of security and long-term stability, with the expectation that both families would guide the couple throughout their journey.

Challenges to Society

However, as with any system, arranged marriages do pose challenges in today’s world. One of the biggest obstacles is the balance between tradition and personal choice. Younger people often value the freedom to choose their partners, especially when it comes to love and personal preferences. With society placing high value on romance as the foundation of marriage, it can be challenging for some to accept a partnership arranged by family.

Another concern is the potential for pressure or coercion. While some families may approach the process with care and respect for the individual's preferences, there are instances where people—particularly women—may feel forced into marriages against their will. It’s crucial to distinguish between traditional matchmaking rooted in mutual respect and forced marriages, which have no place in a modern context.

Benefits of Arranged Marriages in the Modern Day

Despite these challenges, the benefits of arranged marriages remain relevant. One significant advantage is the strength of family involvement. In a world where relationships can sometimes feel transient, having the support of both families provides a sense of safety and accountability. Arranged marriages also tend to focus on long-term compatibility, rather than short-term chemistry, which can lead to more stable unions.

Additionally, arranged marriages often foster strong family ties—not only between the couple but between their extended families. This interconnected network can be an invaluable source of support in times of need, whether emotional, financial, or social.

How It Can Be Done in the Modern Day

In today’s world, arranged marriages don’t have to follow the rigid traditions of the past. Instead, they can adapt to modern values. For example, families can play a role as matchmakers but allow the individuals involved to have a say in the final decision. Starting with a casual introduction and allowing the couple to get to know each other over time can bridge tradition with autonomy.

Technology has also transformed how arranged marriages are done. Online platforms provide a blend of tradition and modernity, allowing families to find compatible matches while individuals retain more choice and autonomy. This hybrid model offers a way to balance the best of both worlds, respecting family involvement while honoring personal choice.

Fostering Greater Relationships Among the Parties Involved

Ultimately, arranged marriages can create strong, enduring bonds—not only between the couple but between their families. When the focus is on building trust, mutual respect, and shared values, the marriage becomes more than just a union of two people; it becomes an alliance between two families, rooted in love, support, and community.

In the Yoruba context, marriage has historically been about connecting families, enriching communities, and strengthening cultural traditions. By ensuring that both the bride’s and groom’s families are actively engaged in the process, there is a sense of responsibility and commitment that extends beyond the couple, fostering greater unity among the families involved.

Arranged marriage may not be for everyone, but when approached with openness, mutual respect, and intention, it can offer a solid foundation for a lifetime of happiness, support, and shared purpose.